Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
