Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
