How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize