God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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