he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
