Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
