I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
