obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
