dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
