Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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