wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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