Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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