he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They are going to name an STD after you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
