tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I smell stomach acid.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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