It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
