wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Randomize
