Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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