Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have feelings that need drinking.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
