wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
