i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
