Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
