it wasn't lemon gatorade
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
