I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
