Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
