the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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