Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize