he wants to bone in the snuggie
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
