after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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