don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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