90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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