Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
