nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
