She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
