I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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