She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
bring money and cleavage
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
