My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Terrible idea I love it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
