broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
