you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
