my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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