Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
