I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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