Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
