I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
