his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
