And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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