Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Let's get the cat blown out
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
