I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
