My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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