So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
