i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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