i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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