i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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