youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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