I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
