I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
