ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
