I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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