areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
