I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
