you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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