I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
