my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
