if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Operation Purity has been aborted
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
