you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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