I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
