I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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