i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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