yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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