I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
