Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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