Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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