too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
