when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
