We got so high we made milksteak
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
